I can’t be the only parent who has done it. You know, compared my child to another.
When K was 3, she decided she’d learn to tie her own shoes, so she spent a month stealing every shoe lace she could find out of shoes and tying them to whatever she could find – chairs, door knobs, you name it.
Greg wasn’t thrilled that every time he went to put his shoes on, he had to hunt down the shoe laces. But in a month, she know how to tie her shoes, and it was over.
And when K was 6, playing on a soccer team, I remember being increduous that the coach’s little girl had to have her daddy tie her shoes for her. Afterall, K had being doing it for years.
And then, came my other three children. None of them learned to tie shoes before they were 6. In fact J was 8 or 9 when he learned. And Z, at almost 9, is just now learning.
Does that make K better than them? No.
It’s so easy to compare what our children can do or can’t do, and forget that all children are given gifts and abilities, and development rates are different.
I look at Z, who is amazingly talented in some areas, and struggles so deeply in others and know there is no way to compare who he is and where he is at with other children. It wouldn’t be fair – nor an accurate measurement of who he is.
And the same with all four of them, including Little E, who at 6 was reading better than any of the other children were at that age.
Each and every child is different. And it’s natural I think that we want to think that our child is special, because they are.
But it’s dangerous to start comparing them to each other and to others.
God has given us all, including our children, our own unique talents and gifts. Thank goodness. Because this would be a very boring world if we were all the same.
Raising boys and raising kids with special needs have been the most challenging parts of my parenting journey. Don’t get me wrong. I love parenting, and I love my boys. But I’m not male, and never will be, and quite frankly boys think differently than girls do. At least mine do.
And then add in the special needs that both my sons and oldest daughter have, and well, let’s just say I spend a great deal of time and energy trying to find the best way to help my kids succeed in who they are and in the world around them. And I love it, but it also helps to talk with others who have already been down the road.
Well, in this episode of the Living Life at Home podcast, I got to pick the brain of another mom who has been down this road of parenting boys and boys with special needs and emerged the other side – successfully! And she is generous enough to share her lessons learned with those of us who are still on the journey.
Kayla Fay is the mom of 4 boys, three of whom have ADHD Inattentive, and one with a learning disability and the mom behind the wonderful parenting site about raising kids with ADHD Inattentive, GoAskMom.com.
Listen in as Kayla and I discuss what it’s like to parent boys to adulthood, and how to help our children who have special needs succeed through their school years and into adulthood. Some of the topics we covered included:
How we can help our children focus, whether they have ADHD or not
Tips for working with teachers and other extracurricular activity leaders
The importance of routines and transitions, but also the importance of teaching our kids to be flexible, especially when they aren’t inclined to be
How to get to school activities, church, and sports activities with as few battles as possible
How the food our children eat affects their focus and self-control.
How time outdoors impacts our children’s ability to focus and succeed in school.
What battles are worth fighting and which are not.
Memorization tips for students who have difficulty with spelling, bible verses, and other facts
Might want to grab a pad of paper and pencil though, Kayla’s got some great tips and insights. Several of which I implemented right after our call – with results.
To listen in, simply click the play button below. To download the recording to your computer, right click on download link below and choose ‘Save Target As’.
P.S. For those of you with children who are traditionally schooled or who take outside classes, be sure to check out the Planner for Kids that Kayla developed and used with her boys and see if it might work for you too.
P.S.S. Prefer to read? Be sure to subscribe to our email list and I’ll be sure to let you know when the transcript for this episode is available.
In honor of Father’s Day, we’re taking a twist on the Living Life at Home podcast and looking at homeschooling, parenting, and the role of a wife from a father’s point of view.
For the last couple months I’ve had the honor of working with Scott wrapping up some of the final details for his new book, and have come to really respect the message Scott brings as a dad and a person to empower others to live life with passion and purpose and to make family a priority.
I invite you to listen in on our conversation, as we discuss:
homeschooling and embracing our children’s gifts
raising special needs kids,
the lessons he has learned from his son Gabe, who has both down syndrome and autism,
the powerful role fathers have in a child’s life,
the importance of leaving a legacy, and
how we as wives can support our husbands through the challenges and life changes that arise.
To listen in, simply click the play button below. To download the recording to your computer, right click on download link below and choose ‘Save Target As’.
Catalogs are beginning to arrive in the mail again. They call to me, asking for time to sit and read, and dream about what could be done, if I had the funds to part with… Actually it’s a double doozy. Because catalogs on my two favorite spending categories are coming in – Gardening and Curriculum.
In the last few days, I’ve received at least 5 different seed catalogs. Oh they call to me. I spent a few hours on Sunday flipping through and dreaming up what could be growing in my garden this year. Then finally I realized what I was doing and sat down and actually wrote up a list of what I wanted to grow in the garden and compared that to what seeds I already have. …Okay, I don’t need to order as many seeds as my wish list originally said. But boy, what a garden it would be if I could really grow all that calls my attention.
Gardening is much like parenting and homeschooling. You plant seeds, give them water, nutrients, love, and space to grow, and wait to see what happens. Periodically I make mistakes, forget to water on a hot day, over water during rainy week. But eventually I watch the plants grow and produce. Very much like parenting a child, only a whole lot faster to see the results.
I am struck again today on how much I like my kids. Not because they are my kids, but because they are interesting people, unique in their own way. Sometimes I make mistakes, and sometimes they make mistakes. But you know, I really enjoy the journey of watching them grow.
Earlier this week as I worked from my recliner, suffering from a sinus cold, I was struck again how blessed I am to be surrounded by these wonderful kids in this awesome lifestyle of being a work-at-home, homeschooling mom. I’m there for all the little moments, for the skinned knees and hurt feelings, and for the beauty that comes with friendship, fellowship, and family.
Yesterday, as I headed out for bible study, I just had to grab my 11 year old and tell her how blessed I am to have her for a daughter. She’s growing up so fast, and is so capable, but still she’s my little girl. She does so much for her siblings and I, and yet she has all this time to be a girl and get silly, and muddy, and run through the rain.
Each of her siblings brings a special piece to my life, and each holds their own weight (according to ability) in our household. They are affected by our debt load; they are affected by our successes. They step up pitch in, and do what needs to be done. We live life together, good and bad. We have to remember to celebrate our successes; and be thankful, and show appreciation for each other. How thankful I am for this lifestyle, but also for each of these four children who are growing up so fast and who are such blessings.
I really must make a concerted effort to tell the kids in their own special moments, what a blessing they are and how thankful I am for them.
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