“Mom, Michael says that cooking is for girls,” My 9 year old son shared as he came in from playing with the neighborhood kids to cook dinner.
“What do you think?” I asked, wanting him to to express his feelings on the subject, especially in light of the boy’s critical remark.
“I think he’s going to be very hungry when he grows up,” my son says. And after we laugh at the remark, he explained his thoughts – that there’s not always going to be a time when mom or a girl is going to be around to cook for him. And he’d like to eat.
The whole situation was good for my son to figure out what he truly thought about boys cooking. It was the first time he had really encountered any opinions that boys shouldn’t learn to cook – that it is a girl’s job.
But it does bring up a question, as moms I think we should ask ourselves: “Should we teach our boys how to cook?”
It takes more work to teach our kids to cook than to do it ourselves. And yes, Cooking is traditionally “for girls”. Even in today’s “equalized” world, mom is the one responsible for cooking and feeding the family. But yet many chefs are men.
My son cooked his first pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving 2008
I come from a family culture where it’s not unusual for the men to cook. Though I have never seen my dad cook outside the grill, one of my uncles spent time as a chef and is a wonderful cook. And, I learned a great deal about cooking, baking, and canning from my grandfather, who is the least ”girly” person I know.
Personally, I’ve required all my kids to be kitchen helpers, and we’ve done cooking activies together as a family. My son’s favorite memories are those when we all cook together – like the few times we’ve canned or for holidays when there’s so much to cook, we split up the jobs.
Last year when I gave my oldest daughter a day to cook dinner for the family, my son and both his younger siblings wanted their own day to cook. I was almost out of a job. It became a time to learn to cook a meal that not only they like, but would also please the other members of our family. A practical on thinking of others and feeling that pleasure of serving a meal that others enjoy.
But this is our family. Where do you fall in on this? Do you think boys should learn to cook? Why or why not?
Please leave a comment. I’d like to hear your thoughts.
Earlier I shared a little of the journey my daughter went through before being allowed to get a puppy of her own. Below is the letter we gave her of all the tasks and questions she had to complete in order for us to discuss it further. She did above and beyond this, which further showed us her level of commitment and responsibility.
If you are facing the same situation (of a tween asking for a new dog or puppy) or are considering getting a new family dog or puppy, this might be useful.
…Shannon
Dear <name>
Thank you for your letter requesting a dog. The puppy you picked out is very
cute! However, before we can get a dog, we need you to do some more
research and planning, and provide us with more information.
1. Please check out a couple books from the library – one on training a
dog and one on caring for a dog. Read the books.
2. Do some research online about this breed of dog.
How big will the dog get?
What is its temperament?
How long will it live?
Is it a dog that is really tolerant of children? (remember any dog
we get has to endure your little sister pulling on it. We don’t want it hurt or her bit)
How much social interaction does this breed need?
How much training?
Is it easy to train or will you have to spend a lot of time training
it?
How strong is the dog?
Will you be able to walk it or will it walk you?
3. And finally, we need you to put together a plan for the dog.
How would we get it?
Where would it live?
Who would feed, water, walk, and bathe it?
Who would train it?
Who would pick up its poop?
How much does it cost to have a dog? While this puppy is free, we
need to know what the costs are going to be: food, spaying/neutering, shots,
training, equipment (leash, collar, house, toys, etc.), boarding or pet
sitting frees, grooming, etc.
Talk to a dog owner to find out what else you need to know and plan
for.
Once you pull this information together (on paper) and give it to us, we
will discuss it more. We need to know that you fully understand what type of
responsibility it is to care for a dog. We need to decide if this breed of
dog is right for our family and we need to make sure we understand the costs
and can afford it.
We love you and look forward to working this out with you.
Last week, on my daughter’s 12th birthday, we added a new member to our family – a new Bichon Frise puppy. But this wasn’t an easy decision.
Eight months ago, our then 11 year old daughter approached us (again) about getting a dog. Up to now my answer has been “No, not until you can completely take care of it yourself” But this time was different.
She came citing all the areas she had demonstrated being responsible (specifically babysitting and doing some light housekeeping for another family), and how she felt she understood that she would responsible for the dog and what that would entail.
Now our family already has six cats and five fish, besides the six humans that live here. So I really don’t need anything else to take care of, but I felt that she had a good argument and her father agreed. And so we wrote her out a list of things she needed to do before we could agree to this.
I expected it would take her a while to do everything on the list, but I was wrong. She spent the next week researching her heart out. She did everything and more, learning everything she could about dogs, puppies, breeds, etc. She researched breeds, and then when she selected a breed she researched everything she could about that breed. She switched breeds three times –first it was a Pug, then a Beagle, and finally it was a Bichon.
But then she had to wait for us to be able to afford and find the dog she wanted. But it worked out perfectly. The week of her birthday, we found a 9-week-old Bichon Frise puppy, raised by a family (around kids!) near us. And so, on her birthday, we added a new member to our family.
Life is definitely a journey. We aren’t born knowing all and we certainly don’t learn it all during childhood. As a wife, a mother, a homeschooling teacher/parent, a worker, and a child of God I’m constantly growing and learning.
For me it’s not really about arriving at a destination, but enjoying the journey as I go along it. If I waited until I was the perfect wife or perfect mother – I just would never have the privilege of being a wife and mother. And so many things I would miss.
I ran across this article by Kimberly Eddy recently and wanted to share it with you. It’s from her e-book, “Momma’s Guide to Thriving on One Income”, which I also own. There are nuggets of insight and encouragement for those of us on the journey. I hope you enjoy.
One day, twelve years ago, after a few hours of labor, someone handed me a baby, and sent me on my merry way, home from the Family Birthing Center. I remember, in one of my first days as a mother, standing in the bedroom, looking in the mirror at myself holding this precious little bundle. This child belonged to me. That thought scared the daylights out of me. What do I know about raising babies? At that point in my life, there were many things I excelled at, and the practical stuff like raising children and keeping house were not on that list.
Growing as a wife and mother is not always as easy as people make it out to be. When I was in school, I was an honor student. I think that really means, “Book smart but common sense stupid.” Though I passed the calculus placement test for college and could to the higher math required for a college astronomy class, I did not know how to balance a checkbook. No one ever told me how. I was a chess-playing champ, but I couldn’t keep my room clean enough in college to keep a roommate longer than a month. In my first year of college I discovered credit cards. No one ever told me how to budget money, how to use credit wisely, how to maintain a checking account, or any of those other important life things. You would think someone who knew how to do calculus and who spoke three languages could handle something as simple as a budget, right?
After college I could not find a job in my field, so I went back to Austria for a sabbatical of sorts, working as an Au Pair. I am a smart woman. I have a college degree, and passed the Mensa Exam. You would think that with an IQ of 140, I could handle being a mother’s helper, right?
Well, they say it is the simple things in life that are the hardest for some of us. This has been the case in my life. Talking to other moms new to the “simple life”, I am realizing that I am not the only modern woman out there that finds it not so simple. In school, we are trained for college, and for future careers. Few of us received practical training for running a household and raising children. Home Economics, in our school, involved making the worst-tasting pizza I ever ate in my life, and goofing off for an hour.
Motherhood is a journey, and we can have joy in that journey.
The Bible says that God “…maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children.” (Psalm 113:9). God usually gives us children at a time in our lives when we still don’t know nearly enough about raising them. Then, after giving us children, He teaches us one step at a time. He includes training in running a household, budgeting money, living frugally, loving our spouses unconditionally, slowing down, respecting our husbands, and any other area needing work. Our families are like being in God’s school. We can either listen to our Teacher and learn something, or we can goof off, do what we want to do, and flunk.
As our children grow, God teaches us through them. My own children have been an amazing source of encouragement and inspiration to me, especially as they have grown. We have a close bond that many parents don’t have with their children. I enjoy them, and they enjoy me. The other night as I worked some more on this website, I had my oldest daughter sitting on the edge of the bed reading poetry out loud to me. The most fun part of being a mom is getting to get back into things I laid down in the busyness of adulthood. Things like taking time to read poetry, make snow men and snow angels, going star gazing, and smelling the flowers along the way.
Joy in the journey? It’s ours for the taking. All that is required of us is to not rush forward or lag behind the leading of the Lord in our lives. As we rest in the knowledge that God is a good God, and He is the one in control, the sweet peace that passes all understanding will reside in our hearts and minds. We truly can have that “joy unspeakable and full of the glory” (1 Peter 1:8).
I had to sit down with my 9-year-old son today and re-set expectations. For the last month, he’s been progressively slacking in his schoolwork, in his motivation to do schoolwork, and in his attitude.
I accept part of the responsibility in that I allowed him to slack off for a while when I was crazy busy with work. But the bottom line is that if he expects to move on to the next level of school, responsibilities, and ultimately – privileges, he needs to make some decisions. ‘Cuz, frankly his attitude and work this week is not acceptable in the real world, and certainly not here.
It’s not necessarily a fun decision to make – to sit my child down and tell him that some changes are needed. But I’ve had to do it on more than one occasion both with him and with his older sister. And I’m sure at some point I’ll need to do it with the youngers as well.
My approach though at this point though is to stop with the nagging, pulling along, and basically set him down as I would with an employee or as a mentor or coach. I told him that I know he is bored and doesn’t want to do it right now, but I also explained that everyone – including his daddy and I – have to do things that we don’t want to do because they need to be done.
The trick is to decide if we are going to drag them out and make them last and last and get in trouble because of it (yes, mommies and daddies get in trouble too – just in different ways). Or, are we going to learn to do them quickly and well so that then we can get on with the things we really want to do. My son and I talked about what happens if you do something quickly but not well – you have to do it again and it takes even longer.
We also talked about responsibilities and privileges. And how if I can’t trust him to do the things that need to get done, how on earth was I going to be able to trust him to be responsible enough for the extra privileges he wants to do/have.
I offered up a solution for him to consider, one that works for my 11-year-old. I asked him to think about if he wants to try that or if he wants to come up with his solution of his own.
But the bottom line is, as he walked away was he controls how we interact on this issue both now and all through his life. I can’t make him improve his motivation and force him to do his schoolwork well. But I can make his (and my life) more difficult. But that’s not the relationship I want to have with my son and not the reason why we homeschool.
He needs to step up and decide how he wants to be treated and how he wants to deal with the more mundane responsibilities of life.
Tomorrow we’ll meet again. He’ll make his choice and we’ll see how things work out. I’m sure that they will and I’m sure that over time we’ll have this conversation again. But for now, I’ve planted seeds and pray that they will grow. Because, I sure want to be able to give him the privileges and see him soar in the areas he is interested in and loves. But he also needs to live up to his responsibilities as well.
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