You may remember homeschooling mom Karri Fieglein from her 26 Tips for Overcoming Homeschool Burnout guest post. When Karri shares her insights I’m always amazed at what I learn. Today, Karri has agreed to allow me to share with you her latest encouragement and insight.  Enjoy! …Shannon  P.S. (Thanks Karri!)

We’re Not Alone

By  Karri Fieglein

We are more like doctors as home school parents than most would usually think. Each day we are called to diagnose the problems and figure out a solution and then offer preventative care as well so we do not have to deal with the situation/ behavior/ heart issue again.  We often have to do this many times a day and with each child plus the variables are constantly changing. 

Parenting in itself is so hard but then add all the home school work and being with them so much and it makes it even more difficult. I doubt anyone has ever looked at any of us and said “Wow, you have life so easy with this added task that you have decided to take.” 

The beauty in that is that nothing worth having ever comes easy. Twenty years from now when we are further down the road we’ll all look back with wonder and how we pulled through it all and made it. We’ll see how great our kids are doing and be happy we made the choice to take the hard less traveled road. 

But ya, the here and now aren’t always so easy and sometimes I think all of us feel like we are ready for a break or to even throw in the towel completely.  Hopefully just being reminded that we aren’t alone in our pursuits helps.

As homeschool parents, we have to diagnose problems that  can constantly change even with the same patient, including:

 1.       Bad attitude

2.       Tired

3.       Lazy

4.       Lack of drive and desire

5.       Comprehension problem

6.       Content of the work is too difficult

7.       Work too easy

8.       Trying to get attention

9.       Feeling sad or upset by a situation

10.   Feeling mad at the parent for some reason

11.   Lack of positive role model

12.   Have been exposed to bad role model

13.   Want to play games and goof off

14.   No incentives

15.   Think it’s not fair

16.   Feel over burdened

17.   Feel bored

18.   Frustration with the same day to day schedule and routine

19.   Too busy arguing with siblings

20.   Not enough time with the Lord

And the list goes on

Often too we have the many of the same issues and often we have some of the following in addition to that:

 1.       We compare with others

2.       We sign up for too many things

3.       We set ourselves up for failure as we try to do too much

4.       We don’t say no

5.       We don’t set up enough limitations for the family

6.       We don’t cut ourselves or our kids enough slack (lack of grace)

7.       We don’t say we love them enough

8.       We feel like failures if we think our kid should be somewhere in their education that they aren’t

9.       We rush around trying to be everything to everyone and forget ourselves and become burned out

10.   We don’t have enough fun

11.   We forget to enjoy the journey

12.   We forget that homeschooling is a marathon, not a quick little sprint

13.   Lack of patience

14.   Unrealistic expectations

And the list goes on.

There is hope though. 

All of these can be taken care of easily if we just get out of the way and let God do his work and trust him to not only meet our kids needs but ours too.  If we will ask him where we need help and what we should do each and every day, he’ll show us. 

Oh I need to read this as much as I write it.  But I know it’s true. God has shown me over and over that if we take all the little things to him he will be faithful to help us. Nothing is too big or small to seek him on.

A couple weeks ago I felt like I wanted more help from the hubby, accountability for the kids, the schedule needed to be tweaked, and it all felt a bit over whelming with #6’s new arrival.  God gave me inspiration, great book recommendations from friends, support and encouragement and some neat ideas to help with things.  All I did was ask and he provided abundantly. 

Now don’t get me wrong we have new problems this morning and we’ll have new ones tomorrow too I’m sure. But I know that the reason for all of this is so that I can lean and depend on God and so that he can have a very real and true relationship with me and mine.

I think that sometimes we get over whelmed by the kid or the situation or whatever and we forget in the moment just how big of a God we serve and how much he loves our kids even more than we do. 

If we trust him completely with them then that means we have to let go and hold an open hand.  We used to attend Second Baptist and Dr. Young always said that unless you open your tight fist and grip on things you can’t receive the blessing either.
Today, as I write this, I am reminding myself what a great and awesome God we serve and how I need to loosen my grip on his children and my control over my life, because really it shouldn’t be my will but it should be his will; it shouldn’t be my plans but it should be his plans; it shouldn’t be my day, but it should be his day.

Today is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Blessing to you my friends

Much Love

-Karri

Karri Fieglein is a homeschooling mom of six  and the Foundations Director of Katy, TX for Classical Conversations, a Classical Christian Community. For more information on Classical Conversations, visit www.ClassicalConversations.com

Halloween presents an interesting dilemma for us as a Christian family. Here in the U.S., as soon as the school supply sales are over, the stores pull out the Halloween paraphernalia – decorations, costumes, pumpkins, and of course, candy. It’s impossible to simply ignore it. We’ve tried, didn’t work.

When our oldest was small, we made the decision to ignore Halloween. And that worked for a while, but when our daughter was three she took matters into her own hands – digging into her dress up box and pulling pieces to together, so she could have a costume like all the other kids. After all, dressing up and imaginative play was something we encouraged; and she wanted to join in. 

So we re-evaluated. How do we honor what the bible says about avoiding witchcraft and the occult and still allow our children to find their place in this classic American cultural event? While Halloween has it’s roots as a Celtic festival, we Americans have over time adopted it as our own and woven it into our culture.

As a family, we’ve chosen to emphasize the more wholesome parts of Halloween, forbid the gruesome and occult references, and use the time to build our ties as a family and with friends. And use the time to discuss our beliefs in the context of the culture. 

Now that it is October, my world is full of kids thinking of Halloween and how they can participate in the holiday without violating the rules. For my daughters it means designing and sewing costumes. For my sons, it’s a time to balance what they are attracted to (the scary) with what we allow.

And for my husband and I, it’s a time to discuss with the kids more about what Halloween is about and help the kids come to their own conclusions and beliefs. For we believe, its important for the kids to “own” their beliefs, to come to their own conclusions, based on not just what we believe but also their own research and their own convictions.

Over the next few weeks, I may share more about how we, as a Christian family, are preparing for and studying Halloween this year. Please feel free to share in the comments your own ideas on how you’ve dealt with the Halloween dilemma in your own family.

…Shannon

Other Halloween-related Articles

• Homemade Halloween Costumes – A Learning Experience
• Fun, Kid-Friendly Recipes for Halloween or Fall (Review)
• Learning to Write A Scary Story with CTT Halloween (Review)
• Gifts Kids Can Make: Candy Wreath from Halloween Candy

“Mom, Michael says that cooking is for girls,” My 9 year old son shared as he came in from playing with the neighborhood kids to cook dinner. 

“What do you think?” I asked, wanting him to to express his feelings on the subject, especially in light of the boy’s critical remark.

“I think he’s going to be very hungry when he grows up,” my son says. And after we laugh at the remark, he explained his thoughts – that there’s not always going to be a time when mom or a girl is going to be around to cook for him. And he’d like to eat. 

The whole situation was good for my son to figure out what he truly thought about boys cooking. It was the first time he had really encountered any opinions that boys shouldn’t learn to cook – that it is a girl’s job.  

But it does bring up a question, as moms I think we should ask ourselves: “Should we teach our boys how to cook?” 

It takes more work to teach our kids to cook than to do it ourselves. And yes, Cooking is traditionally “for girls”. Even in today’s “equalized” world, mom is the one responsible for cooking and feeding the family.  But yet many chefs are men.

I come from a family culture where it’s not unusual for the men to cook. Though I have never seen my dad cook outside the grill, one of my uncles spent time as a chef and is a wonderful cook. And, I learned a great deal about cooking, baking, and canning from my grandfather, who is the least ”girly” person I know. 

Personally, I’ve required all my kids  to be kitchen helpers, and we’ve done cooking activies together as a family. My son’s favorite memories are those when we all cook together – like the few times we’ve canned or for holidays when there’s so much to cook, we split up the jobs.

Last year when I gave my oldest daughter a day to cook dinner for the family, my son and both his younger siblings wanted their own day to cook. I was almost out of a job.  It became a time to learn to cook a meal that not only they like, but would also please the other members of our family. A practical on thinking of others and feeling that pleasure of serving a meal that others enjoy.

But this is our family. Where do you fall in on this? Do you think boys should learn to cook? Why or why not?

Please leave a comment. I’d like to hear your thoughts.

…Shannon

Earlier I shared a little of the journey my daughter went through before being allowed to get a puppy of her own. Below is the letter we gave her of all the tasks and questions she had to complete in order for us to discuss it further. She did above and beyond this, which further showed us her level of commitment and responsibility.

If you are facing the same situation (of a tween asking for a new dog or puppy) or are considering getting a new family dog or puppy, this might be useful.

…Shannon

Dear <name>

Thank you for your letter requesting a dog. The puppy you picked out is very
cute! However, before we can get a dog, we need you to do some more
research and planning, and provide us with more information.

1. Please check out a couple books from the library – one on training a
dog and one on caring for a dog. Read the books.

2. Do some research online about this breed of dog.

• How big will the dog get?
• What is its temperament?
• How long will it live?
• Is it a dog that is really tolerant of children? (remember any dog
  we get has to endure your little sister pulling on it. We don’t want it hurt or her bit)
• How much social interaction does this breed need?
• How much training?
• Is it easy to train or will you have to spend a lot of time training
  it?
• How strong is the dog?
• Will you be able to walk it or will it walk you?

3. And finally, we need you to put together a plan for the dog.

• How would we get it?
• Where would it live?
• Who would feed, water, walk, and bathe it?
• Who would train it?
• Who would pick up its poop?
• How much does it cost to have a dog? While this puppy is free, we
  need to know what the costs are going to be: food, spaying/neutering, shots,
  training, equipment (leash, collar, house, toys, etc.), boarding or pet
  sitting frees, grooming, etc.
• Talk to a dog owner to find out what else you need to know and plan
  for.

Once you pull this information together (on paper) and give it to us, we
will discuss it more. We need to know that you fully understand what type of
responsibility it is to care for a dog. We need to decide if this breed of
dog is right for our family and we need to make sure we understand the costs
and can afford it.

We love you and look forward to working this out with you.

Love,

Mom and Dad

Jazzy, my daughter’s new Bichon Frise puppy

Last week, on my daughter’s 12th birthday, we added a new member to our family – a new Bichon Frise puppy.  But this wasn’t an easy decision.

Eight months ago, our then 11 year old daughter approached us (again) about getting a dog. Up to now my answer has been “No, not until you can completely take care of it yourself”  But this time was different.

She came citing all the areas she had demonstrated being responsible (specifically babysitting and doing some light housekeeping for another family), and how she felt she understood that she would responsible for the dog and what that would entail.

Now our family already has six cats and five fish, besides the six humans that live here. So I really don’t need anything else to take care of, but I felt that she had a good argument and her father agreed.  And so we wrote her out a list of things she needed to do before we could agree to this.

I expected it would take her a while to do everything on the list, but I was wrong. She spent the next week researching her heart out. She did everything and more, learning everything she could about dogs, puppies, breeds, etc. She researched breeds, and then when she selected a breed she researched everything she could about that breed. She switched breeds three times –first it was a Pug, then a Beagle, and finally it was a Bichon.

But then she had to wait for us to be able to afford and find the dog she wanted. But it worked out perfectly. The week of her birthday, we found a 9-week-old Bichon Frise puppy, raised by a family (around kids!) near us. And so, on her birthday, we added a new member to our family.