Jazzy, my daughter’s new Bichon Frise puppy

Last week, on my daughter’s 12th birthday, we added a new member to our family – a new Bichon Frise puppy.  But this wasn’t an easy decision.

Eight months ago, our then 11 year old daughter approached us (again) about getting a dog. Up to now my answer has been “No, not until you can completely take care of it yourself”  But this time was different.

She came citing all the areas she had demonstrated being responsible (specifically babysitting and doing some light housekeeping for another family), and how she felt she understood that she would responsible for the dog and what that would entail.

Now our family already has six cats and five fish, besides the six humans that live here. So I really don’t need anything else to take care of, but I felt that she had a good argument and her father agreed.  And so we wrote her out a list of things she needed to do before we could agree to this.

I expected it would take her a while to do everything on the list, but I was wrong. She spent the next week researching her heart out. She did everything and more, learning everything she could about dogs, puppies, breeds, etc. She researched breeds, and then when she selected a breed she researched everything she could about that breed. She switched breeds three times –first it was a Pug, then a Beagle, and finally it was a Bichon.

But then she had to wait for us to be able to afford and find the dog she wanted. But it worked out perfectly. The week of her birthday, we found a 9-week-old Bichon Frise puppy, raised by a family (around kids!) near us. And so, on her birthday, we added a new member to our family.

Life is definitely a journey. We aren’t born knowing all and we certainly don’t learn it all during childhood. As a wife, a mother, a homeschooling teacher/parent, a worker, and a child of God I’m constantly growing and learning.

For me it’s not really about arriving at a destination, but enjoying the journey as I go along it. If I waited until I was the perfect wife or perfect mother – I just would never have the privilege of being a wife and mother. And so many things I would miss. 

I ran across this article by Kimberly Eddy recently and wanted to share it with you. It’s from her e-book, “Momma’s Guide to Thriving on One Income”, which I also own. There are nuggets of insight and encouragement for those of us on the journey. I hope you enjoy.

…Shannon 

Joy in the Journey

by Kimberly Eddy

This article was excerpted from “Momma’s Guide to Thriving on One Income” by Kimberly Eddy

One day, twelve years ago, after a few hours of labor, someone handed me a baby, and sent me on my merry way, home from the Family Birthing Center. I remember, in one of my first days as a mother, standing in the bedroom, looking in the mirror at myself holding this precious little bundle. This child belonged to me. That thought scared the daylights out of me. What do I know about raising babies? At that point in my life, there were many things I excelled at, and the practical stuff like raising children and keeping house were not on that list.

Growing as a wife and mother is not always as easy as people make it out to be. When I was in school, I was an honor student. I think that really means, “Book smart but common sense stupid.” Though I passed the calculus placement test for college and could to the higher math required for a college astronomy class, I did not know how to balance a checkbook. No one ever told me how. I was a chess-playing champ, but I couldn’t keep my room clean enough in college to keep a roommate longer than a month. In my first year of college I discovered credit cards. No one ever told me how to budget money, how to use credit wisely, how to maintain a checking account, or any of those other important life things. You would think someone who knew how to do calculus and who spoke three languages could handle something as simple as a budget, right?

After college I could not find a job in my field, so I went back to Austria for a sabbatical of sorts, working as an Au Pair. I am a smart woman. I have a college degree, and passed the Mensa Exam. You would think that with an IQ of 140, I could handle being a mother’s helper, right?

Well, they say it is the simple things in life that are the hardest for some of us. This has been the case in my life. Talking to other moms new to the “simple life”, I am realizing that I am not the only modern woman out there that finds it not so simple. In school, we are trained for college, and for future careers. Few of us received practical training for running a household and raising children. Home Economics, in our school, involved making the worst-tasting pizza I ever ate in my life, and goofing off for an hour.

Motherhood is a journey, and we can have joy in that journey.

The Bible says that God “…maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children.” (Psalm 113:9). God usually gives us children at a time in our lives when we still don’t know nearly enough about raising them. Then, after giving us children, He teaches us one step at a time. He includes training in running a household, budgeting money, living frugally, loving our spouses unconditionally, slowing down, respecting our husbands, and any other area needing work. Our families are like being in God’s school. We can either listen to our Teacher and learn something, or we can goof off, do what we want to do, and flunk.

As our children grow, God teaches us through them. My own children have been an amazing source of encouragement and inspiration to me, especially as they have grown. We have a close bond that many parents don’t have with their children. I enjoy them, and they enjoy me. The other night as I worked some more on this website, I had my oldest daughter sitting on the edge of the bed reading poetry out loud to me. The most fun part of being a mom is getting to get back into things I laid down in the busyness of adulthood. Things like taking time to read poetry, make snow men and snow angels, going star gazing, and smelling the flowers along the way.

Joy in the journey? It’s ours for the taking. All that is required of us is to not rush forward or lag behind the leading of the Lord in our lives. As we rest in the knowledge that God is a good God, and He is the one in control, the sweet peace that passes all understanding will reside in our hearts and minds. We truly can have that “joy unspeakable and full of the glory” (1 Peter 1:8).

To Order “Momma’s Guide to Thriving on One Income” or to find out more, click here.

I had to sit down with my 9-year-old son today and re-set expectations. For the last month, he’s been progressively slacking in his schoolwork, in his motivation to do schoolwork, and in his attitude.

I accept part of the responsibility in that I allowed him to slack off for a while when I was crazy busy with work. But the bottom line is that if he expects to move on to the next level of school, responsibilities, and ultimately – privileges, he needs to make some decisions. ‘Cuz, frankly his attitude and work this week is not acceptable in the real world, and certainly not here.

It’s not necessarily a fun decision to make – to sit my child down and tell him that some changes are needed. But I’ve had to do it on more than one occasion both with him and with his older sister. And I’m sure at some point I’ll need to do it with the youngers as well.

My approach though at this point though is to stop with the nagging, pulling along, and basically set him down as I would with an employee or as a mentor or coach. I told him that I know he is bored and doesn’t want to do it right now, but I also explained that everyone – including his daddy and I – have to do things that we don’t want to do because they need to be done.

The trick is to decide if we are going to drag them out and make them last and last and get in trouble because of it (yes, mommies and daddies get in trouble too – just in different ways). Or, are we going to learn to do them quickly and well so that then we can get on with the things we really want to do.  My son and I talked about what happens if you do something quickly but not well – you have to do it again and it takes even longer.

We also talked about responsibilities and privileges. And how if I can’t trust him to do the things that need to get done, how on earth was I going to be able to trust him to be responsible enough for the extra privileges he wants to do/have.

I offered up a solution for him to consider, one that works for my 11-year-old. I asked him to think about if he wants to try that or if he wants to come up with his solution of his own.

But the bottom line is, as he walked away was he controls how we interact on this issue both now and all through his life. I can’t make him improve his motivation and force him to do his schoolwork well. But I can make his (and my life) more difficult. But that’s not the relationship I want to have with my son and not the reason why we homeschool.

He needs to step up and decide how he wants to be treated and how he wants to deal with the more mundane responsibilities of life. 

Tomorrow we’ll meet again. He’ll make his choice and we’ll see how things work out. I’m sure that they will and I’m sure that over time we’ll have this conversation again. But for now, I’ve planted seeds and pray that they will grow. Because, I sure want to be able to give him the privileges and see him soar in the areas he is interested in and loves. But he also needs to live up to his responsibilities as well.

Twice in the last two weeks, I’ve had this conversation with other moms. Their daughters are 9 and the moms are wondering about how they are going to go about talking to their daughters about puberty and the changes the girls will be facing in the coming years. 

I remember feeling the same with my oldest.  Just before she turned nine, I mentioned it to a friend of mine who has a daughter a year older. And she shared with me what they did, based on another friend’s recommendation – bought their daughter, The Care & Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls from the American Girl Library

 So that’s what I did, and two years later, I still think it was the best decision I made for my daughter. I gave it to her as a reference book, a book that she could look at and read when she was interested or had questions.

Sometimes the book just sits collecting dust, sometimes I find it next to her night stand, sometimes she tells me something she learned from the book, and sometimes she brings it to me open to the page she wants to show me and talk about.  It’s been a great tool for discussion, for information, for non-threatening take it at your own pace, learn what you need to information.

The book covers hygiene, hair, teeth, nutrition, puberty changes and various stages of development, fitness, even discusses eating disorders. The tone is friendly, and positive, embracing of all body types and development timelines. It includes questions girls might be thinking about and their answers. The illustrations are drawn and informative, but not obscene or objectionable (in my opinion).

Normally, I’m in favor of using library books whenever possible, but part of the beauty of this book for us is that it’s a reference book, so I’m really glad I bought a copy for my daughter. That way it’s right there available to her, when she’s wanting the info and when she is comfortable to go look things up. At $9.95 new it’s been a really good investment, and one that even I, as a frugal mom, recommend if you have a 9 year old girl and are looking for some help in talking about puberty and other sensitive body-related topics.

As I mentioned earlier, two different friends, two different circumstances, both asked me about online safety this week. Right now, we are not using any parental controls, or other online safety products. Just education, discussion, and lots of monitoring of computer usage. Because this is a big issue for many families and very scary, I would love to hear from other families as to what you are doing or any products you have found useful (or not).

Please post a comment  and share with us what your family is doing as far as online safety for your kids – or write about it on your blog (and share the link with us here), so that we can all learn from each other.

Thanks so much!

…Shannon