Eariler I shared that every December I spend a few weeks, reflecting about the previous year and where I want to go in the new year. Part of that process is looking at what I’m commited to for the new year, and clearly understanding what time I have available and what time is completely full.

This has become critical for me, because I tend to overcommit. Large, complex projects and say, baseball or soccer season, are usually not good mixes. I get stressed out and end up working a lot of nights. So, I’ve re-employed a technique I used to use when I was a training manager and coordinating software implementations, and that I used when I was coordinating communications projects – a Production Calendar.

Once upon a time I used to use a monthly calendar with big squares, so then I could just write events on a post-it note and move it around as projects moved around. Now I use a large, laminated, yearly calendar like this:

Using a color-coding system, I write with Vis-a-Vis markers any work commitments I have, any conferences I’m speaking at or attending, and any vacation time.  So then I can see, from my desk, just by glancing up, what is going on when.  The process also helps me see how my work is balanced through out the year (or not…)

Personally, I like to have alternating periods of intense work followed by really light work.  One of my clients is a technical trade magazine that  I help edit and coordinate the production cycle on. Every two months there is an intense burst of activity – a flurry to get things pulled together and out the door. After which, I really like taking some time off to just spend with the kids and do small projects.  By looking at the production calendar, I can see where my ups are and where my down cycles are. And then I can plan accordingly.

It also helps me set expectations with my family. For example, last April looked like this:

I was away for a week, speaking at a conference, then came back to two very large projects overlapping each other. Not great planning on my part, but both timelines were set and needed my attention. By looking the calendar ahead of time, I could tell my kids and husband what to expect that month, and point to the next month and show them where the down time would be.

I usually set this up at the beginning of every year, and then update it as needed through out the year. My large projects are usually booked out months in advance, so that is helpful, but it also allows me to see where I might need to do some extra marketing work or what I call “stirring of the pot” to see if there’s any work coming down the line, or conversely block off time for known, upcoming projects and be able to say “I’m sorry my calendar is booked until…” if things are really busy.

This has been a great tool for me. It doesn’t replace my monthly/weekly/daily planning that I do, but it gives me a year at a glance to know what is coming and where I have some flexibility.

Catalogs are beginning to arrive in the mail again. They call to me, asking for time to sit and read, and dream about what could be done, if I had the funds to part with… Actually it’s a double doozy. Because catalogs on my two favorite spending categories are coming in – Gardening and Curriculum.

In the last few days, I’ve received at least 5 different seed catalogs. Oh they call to me. I spent a few hours on Sunday flipping through and dreaming up what could be growing in my garden this year. Then finally I realized what I was doing and sat down and actually wrote up a list of what I wanted to grow in the garden and compared that to what seeds I already have. …Okay, I don’t need to order as many seeds as my wish list originally said. But boy, what a garden it would be if I could really grow all that calls my attention.

Gardening is much like parenting and homeschooling. You plant seeds, give them water, nutrients, love, and space to grow, and wait to see what happens. Periodically I make mistakes, forget to water on a hot day, over water during rainy week. But eventually I watch the plants grow and produce. Very much like parenting a child, only a whole lot faster to see the results.

I am struck again today on how much I like my kids. Not because they are my kids, but because they are interesting people, unique in their own way. Sometimes I make mistakes, and sometimes they make mistakes. But you know, I really enjoy the journey of watching them grow.

I get frustrated sometimes and say something totally wrong to my kids, and then have to go apologize. In our house there is no secret that Mommy isn’t perfect. But thankfully, with apologies, love, and forgiveness everything usually works out.  

But this week, I am horrified by something I said to my five year old daughter. I mentioned it to a close friend, who said I really needed to share this moment with you. She says that you might need to know that 1) I’m not perfect and 2) it might offer someone encouragement to know that other moms sometimes say things they regret as well. So, in the interest of transparency,  here’s what happened.

My 6 yo (almost 7) son and my just-turned-5 yo daughter are homeschooled together because they are very close to the same level academically. I just scale the activities to meet the needs of each. And in reality my 5 yo daughter is more academically advanced than my 6 yo son, but my son is more mature and has deeper thinking skills.

The issue arises in that my 6yo thinks/responds slower than anyone else in the household and so I have a BIG problem with my older two children  answering any question directed to him for him or feeding him the answer.

Well, a few days ago, as the two youngers and I were using letter tiles to do a phonics lesson (from Reading Reflex), I noticed that my son (the 6yo) was hesitating and watching what his sister was going to do before doing it on his own. So I decided to do a separate task just for him.

Clearly letting my daughter know that I wanted her brother to answer, I gave him the task. And, knowing the answer, she (my 5 yo) blurts it out. After reminding her that I wanted her brother to respond, I gave him another phonics task. And again, she pipes up with the answer.

Frustrated, I turned to her and said, not so kindly, “if you don’t be quiet while I’m asking him a question, you won’t be allowed to learn to read.”

Immediately I regretted it. I can’t believe I would even say that. Especially since it is not at all true. Apparently somewhere in my brain I chose to make a threat that I knew would mean something to her (she really wants to learn to read.)  Yeah it worked, but boy it was not the message I wanted to send.  I’m still in shock that I would even say it.

I did apologize to my daughter and talk to her about why I was frustrated and how even Mommy has to work on being nice sometimes. She forgave me and knows that I will continue to teach her to read.  Thank goodness for forgiveness. I just can’t believe I did that. Now I need to work on forgiving myself as well …and make sure that I don’t do that again. Yikes.

Earlier in this series, I’ve shared about the need to re-align life, the concept of casting a vision, and using that vision to create small, measureable goals. Now on to what happens next – creating an action plan.

Now, I have to confess, most of the time I’m not doing some big ole process here. This is usually done in my journal or in my planner. This year I’m using an organizer, and I’ve found that I have the need to add new sections for goals that I’ve set that I keep coming back to, to refine the action plan. But last year, this was just done in my journal book.

I don’t do this on the computer usually. Mostly because I think differently on the computer than I do in writing. I’m not a linear thinker and I really just like to map things out visually and write in the margins.  And I like being able to tweak and plan anywhere I happen to be.

Basically what I do is focus on one goal at a time (and remember, I limit the number of goals I have at any one time so I can really get them done), and map out what it takes to achieve the goal.

Sometimes it’s really simple. For example, during a rough patch in my marriage I was dealing with a lot of negative self-talk about my husband. Not productive. And definitely not helping me reach my vision as a wife.

With prayer and reminders that I need to work on myself instead of being critical of my husband, I set a goal to make sure I came up with at least one positive thing that my hubby did each day and thank him for it.

As an action plan, all I needed was to make a conscious effort to every day 1) recognize one positive thing that he did or said and 2) make a conscious effort to thank him for it (either via email or in person), and 3) when something negative comes into my head, to make a conscious decision to replace it with a positive.

That’s it. that’s all I needed to do to meet my goal. It was actionable, measureable, and it worked.

Sometimes my action plans are bigger. For example, we have a really big goal to pay off all of our debt by the end of 2010. To get to this goal, I’ve had to map out a much, much larger action plan.

I need small, measureable action steps, with points for victory. It’s just too overwhelming to look at that debt number. But when I mapped out the action plan, and saw how once certain small points were met things would move so much faster, it was much easier to wrap my mind around the fact that we could really achieve the goal.

It’s easier for me to claim victory at the small points, knowing that each small step achieved is helping achieve the larger, greater goal, and ultimately moving me closer to that vision.

So, the point of casting a vision for me is to understand where I want to be, for if I know where I want to be, I can work with God’s help to get there.  But if I don’t know where I’m going, then I can’t complain that I’m not where I want to be.

Hope this series resonates with you in some way. If you are up to the task, I encourage you to cast your own vision, on paper (that’s key), for the different roles you have in your life. You don’t have to share them with anyone (this is the first time I’ve ever shared mine). 

By the very nature of thinking through, praying about, and writing down who you want to be in these different roles you have, setting goals, creating actions plans, and working those plans, you have much better chance of growing into that person.

…Shannon

In this series, I’ve been sharing this concept of casting a vision. This isn’t a new concept, in fact you may have already done this for aspects of your life, I know I had, especially in the professional areas. Even the bible specially gives instruction to write down a vision (Habakkuk 2:2).

But the difference here is to cast your vision for all the different roles you have in your life, not just one aspect. If you haven’t already read how I’ve done this, here are the previous articles in the series:

Part 1 – Re-aligning Life

Part 2 – Who Do You Want Be?

Part 3 – An Example

Previously, I shared, as an example, my vision for myself. In some of the roles, I’m further along than in others. My house is still cluttered and often messy. But it’s improved over four years ago. As a professional, I’ve been blessed to be continually working, and my clients keep coming back.  As a person I’m still working on being healthy, but I’m making progress. As a wife, I’m doing a much better job now than I was four years ago.

I’m still growing and I still need to look at this vision every year and pray asking for guidance. I pick out areas that I need to work on and make them my focus.

For me, I have to choose small, manageable, measureable goals. I can’t just say I want to be healthy or I want a clean, presentable house. I have to create measurable, achievable goals, and work toward them.

For example, last year, my health goals were to move every day and to eat breakfast every day.  Did I do that? Not every day, but those goals were constantly in my mind. I measured myself against them.

What I’ve learned is that I need to break things up into small pieces, to allow for celebration of small victories, at achievable milestones. If I don’t, it’s too easy to let the goal slip away, to give up, or have to spend more energy filtering self-talk junk. None of which is productive.

I’ve also learned that I’m not super-human, super-mom, or super-anything. I just can’t do all things. I have to say “no” to things that I might really want to do, but don’t fall into the scope of my reality at this time. I also have to only choose one or two areas where I am going to focus my attention, and set goals there. Too many goals in too many areas is, for me, a recipe for failure.

Tomorrow I’ll share how I take the vision and goals and turn them into action plans.

Until then, if you haven’t already done so, cast your vision. Then I encourage you to take a look at your existing goals and see how they map against your vision. If you haven’t set goals for the new year yet, I encourage you to do so. Keep them simple, specific, and measurable. And write them down!! You’ll improve your chances of achieving your goals and your vision if you do so.

…Shannon